"Bad" Words or, How to Curse Like My 4-Year-Old

I try very hard to be a good parent. I spend one-on-one time with each kid every day. I set firm limits and I'm not afraid to enforce the rules. I don't serve them liver and brussel sprouts. Blah blah blah. But like most moms, I also have faults. My biggest is my filthy, filthy mouth. Despite my ongoing, well-intentioned attempts to police my own language, if I'm frustrated, annoyed, angry, or breathing oxygen, in a moment of weakness or forgetfulness, I'll let loose with the Seven Words You Can't Say on TV, followed by 15 more that further clarify my opinion. And most of the time, my kids are within earshot. So there, I've said it, when it comes to cursing, I'm a Bad Mom.

And worse, when it comes to this subject, I'm a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do mom. My older two kids know that they are not allowed to say "bad" words, and 99.9% of the time, they don't. At least, not while I'm around. And my four-year-old son knows it too. But unlike his older brother and sister, who usually just stomp off and sulk -- no doubt thinking plenty of bad words to themselves -- he has come up with a very creative solution:

"Mannit!" "Damage!" "SoMany Itch!" "Sit!" and, my new personal favorite, "Fox!"

 It makes a mother so very proud.

Now, I know that with very young children, you need to keep the rules simple and absolute. The shades-of-gray in life can be taught as kids get old enough to understand. So when he does this, we enforce the rules, and remind him that they are also "bad" words ("Little boys shouldn't say those words, and Mommy shouldn't say them either.") even though, technically, they're not.

But it got me to thinking about other "bad" words. Most kids --  mine included -- consider stupid to be a "bad" word. A couple months ago, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, was widely criticized for referring to liberal activists as "f***ing retarded." And the criticism had nothing to do with the "f***ing" part of the quote. The Special Olympics is even waging a public awareness campaign to end the use of the "r-word." This doesn't even begin to touch on the stigma of uttering or writing the "c-word" or the "n-word."

Really, when you are a grown, thinking adult, are any of the many vulgar words in the English language really "bad?" My son saying mannit! or damage! instead of dammit! doesn't change the thoughts or emotions behind the outburst. He's pissed, and he's letting the world know it. The words people use, and the way they choose to use those words, communicates volumes, both about the subject being discussed, and the people involved in the discussion. I don't think I have ever uttered the "c-word" or the "n-word" and, as the mother of a child on the autism spectrum, I'm more sensitive to the derogatory use of retard. But, in writing a fictional character, I would use those words if I thought they would best convey to the reader what I want them to know -- and feel -- about the character.

We can conduct our public awareness campaigns and attach a stigma to certain words, or even go the Orwellian route of changing definitions to suit our agendas, or banning dictionaries from our schools, but the thoughts, meanings and emotions we have will always find an outlet. You can call a word "bad," but Mannit! there will always be another to take its place.

Referenced links: The 7 Words You Can't Say on TV, Rahm Emanuel comments and fallout, the Campaign to End the 'R-Word', Dictionary banned from California School District

Write Like a Rolling Stone (and Don't Get Scooped Again)

Over the weekend I picked up a copy of Rolling Stone’s ‘500 Greatest Songs of All Time.’ I’d include a link to it, but for some inexplicable reason, Rolling Stone’s website doesn’t have anything on its site to promote the issue or the list in any way. They’ve learned nothing from last week’s ‘Runaway General’ fiasco, when Rolling Stone managed to get scooped over the Gen. McChrystal story that THEY broke, Memo to print media: The internet is your friend. Use it.

Okay, with that bit of media criticism out of the way, after reading through the printed issue (and if you love music, I think it is worth buying the printed issue) I was most fascinated by the stories of how many of the songs were written. Some of them have become rock-and-roll legends I’d heard before: Mick Jagger wrote the lyrics for The Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” (#2) in 10 minutes, the morning after Keith Richards dreamed the guitar riff and title line. John Lennon wrote most of “Imagine” (#3) in just one morning. Pete Townsend wrote The Who’s “My Generation” (#11) on his 20th birthday. The lyrics for “Purple Haze” (#17) came to Jimi Hendrix in a dream.

Then there were the stories I’d never heard before. Prince wrote “Little Red Corvette” (#109) in the backset of a bright-pink Ford Edsel. Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters wrote “Comfortably Numb” (#321) after “a sleazy Philadelphia doctor injected him with tranquilizers before a gig when he was suffering from hepatitis.” I laughed when I read this blurb quoting John Fogerty about writing “Proud Mary” for Credence Clearwater Revival (#156): “I was fooling with the chord changes and started singing about a river. I realized, ‘Well, maybe if I make it about a boat.’” And Neil Young’s only number one hit, the acoustic “Heart of Gold” (#303) came about only because he couldn’t play electric guitar for two years after a back injury.

I’m not a songwriter, and a lousy poet, but the stories of how these songs were written – in bursts of inspiration, after messing around with lyrics or a guitar , or as a result of pure chance – are universal to anyone sitting down in front of a blank screen or paper. And while a lot of the stories make it sound easy to crank out a hit, consider the work that went into Bob Dylan’s “Like A Rolling Stone” (#1)which started as a long written verse, between 6 and 20 pages. The article quotes Dylan as he goes on to describe the process like this:

“’[It was] just a rhythm thing on paper all about my steady hatred, directed at some point that was honest.’ Back home in Woodstock, New York, over three days in early June, Dylan sharpened the sprawl down to that confrontational chorus and four taut verses bursting with piercing metaphor and concise truth. ‘The first two lines, which rhymed ‘kiddin’ you’ and ‘didn’t you,’ just about knocked me out,’ he confessed to Rolling Stone in 1988, ‘and when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.’”

I love that he sounds so surprised about what he had written. And it's reassuring to know that someone like Bob Dylan can sweat over and feel overwhelmed by what it is he's creating.

My take on "When anyone can be a published author"

I think this article, When anyone can be a published author, fromSalon is interesting, but focuses too much on hand-wringing about the poor, lost readers who will have to wade through the slush-pile of "bad writing" without the gatekeepers (editors, book agents) to guide their way. But there's one thing the  writer does not take into account: Not all readers care about "good writing." And speaking personally, I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.


In fairness, the article does touch on the fact that new gatekeepers -- bloggers, aggregator sites and social networks -- will take the place of traditional editors and agents (something that is already happening). Regardless, many readers -- I'd say the majority -- are only looking for something they think is entertaining, or interesting. If a reader thinks they can get something of value from a piece of writing -- regardless of how well-written it is -- that reader will plunk down the money to download the piece to their laptop or e-reader.

For example, I've plodded through dozens of poorly-written e-books and articles, as well as printed books and articles -- misused punctuation, no spell-checking, low production values -- to find information I can use to help my older son with autism. The "bad writing" drove me nuts, but the information was coming from the most credible sources I could find: other parents who had tried some of the therapies I needed to learn about. (In the world of autism, with so little known about the causes and treatments, other parents/caregivers usually offer more useful information than doctors and scientists.) These were books and articles that would have never made it past the slush pile of a traditional publisher, but I was so grateful to find what I needed, and was glad the writer's information was available to me -- even if they did forget to spell-check.

It is the same with fiction. Most readers care more about story, and less about the prose. Writers who care about their craft might be put off by that statement, but it is a plain and simple fact. Stephen King is not a bestselling author because he is renowned for his sentence structure and original phrasing (although I think he is underrated as a writer.). He is a bestselling author because his stories are consistently entertaining.

The challenge for all writers -- the good and the bad -- will be finding their niche and learning to how to market themselves to showcase their strengths. Readers who care about good writing will seek out those writers. Readers who care about story will seek out storytellers. Readers who care about getting credible, useful information will seek out experts. And writers who care about both -- writing and readers -- will do their very best to create entertaining, credible stories and articles that stand out from the slush pile as "good writing."

Punk Writing

Maybe it's because I'm in writer-mode today, but I just finished reading What is Punk? on Flavorwire, and couldn't help mentally replacing "punk" with "writing" or "creative writing" for many of the quotes. Since I've been writing more fiction, and spurred on by friends who've reminded me that writing should -- first and foremost -- be fun, I've been less concerned with writing for an audience (at least in the first draft) and writing 'punk,' The creativity flows, and the rules don't apply:

•  “I think writing especially for me, was a big middle finger to this whole talent thing.”
• “Creative writing was defined by an attitude rather than a writing style.”
  “A guy walks up to me and asks ‘What’s creative writing?’ So I kick over a garbage can and say ‘That’s creative writing!’ So he kicks over a garbage can and says ‘That’s creative writing?’ and I say ‘No, that’s trendy!’"
• "Creative writing is writing freedom. It’s saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster’s terms, ‘nirvana’ means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that’s pretty close to my definition of creative writing."
• “The popularity of creative writing was, in effect, due to the fact that it made ugliness beautiful.”
• “At its best creative writing represents a fundamental and age-old Utopian dream: that if you give people the license to be as outrageous as they want in absolutely any fashion they can dream up, they’ll be creative about it, and do something good besides.”
• “The whole creative writing ethic was do-it-yourself, and I’ve always been very literal, especially as a kid. When they said that anybody can do this, I was like, ‘OK, that’s me.’”
• “Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you alive.”
• “Creative writing is just another word for freedom.”

Take 2: Blogging Reboot.

John Lennon was writing about his son in the song, 'Beautiful Boy,' which includes the lyric "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Kids have a way of upending the best-laid plans, which is why this is the first time I've blogged in two months.

Shortly after launching this blog and its companion website site, (wordnerdgirl.com, for all your writing and editing needs), I got hit with a series of family-related dramas and traumas, including -- but not limited to -- my 8-year-old's broken toe and my 4-year-old's week-long hospital stay for asthma-triggered pneumonia. Between all the minor domestic catastrophes and major craziness, I have been writing, but it has taken me a while to fully reboot the business and the blog. Which is a shame, because I had so, so many things to say about the Lost finale. Heck, I still might. I've had a number of blog-worthy writing ideas I wanted to share,so I am recasting my last business-and-blogging attempt as a dress rehearsal. The real show's opening starts now.

Robert McKee talks about storytelling

This is an interesting interview with screenwriting guru Robert McKee. I read his "Story" year's ago and it changed my focus from focusing on how well something is written to how well the story is told. I especially like what he says about stories today evolving so that they are better executed, but content-wise, more shallow. Read it here ...

Screenwriting guru tells all - Charlie Kaufman - Salon.com

The 'Flash' of Inspiration

I had a difficult time getting much work done last week after my 8-year-old broke his big toe. By Friday, I was fried and practically jumped for joy when I scored a rare tandem nap for my baby and 4-year-old. I had two precious, completely quiet hours to use any way I wanted. I had a list of potential clients to contact, 8 loads of clean laundry to fold, and an empty bed that begged to be napped in, but I decided instead to take a shot at writing a "flash fiction" story.

If you're unfamiliar with flash fiction, it is basically a very short story -- usually around 1,000 words or less. The idea is to write a complete story with a beginning, middle and end. A very famous example would be this six-word work by Ernest Hemingway:

"For sale: baby shoes. Never worn."

Not to knock Hemingway, but most of the flash stories I've read seemed more like they should be scenes from a larger work. The few I've seen that read like "complete" stories varied wildly as far as how satisfying I found them to be. But as a writer, with so much competing for my time, the idea of a small project that maybemightpossibly be finished quickly was appealing. And, weirdo that I am, the challenge of writing in so few words sounded like fun.

I decided my story would be about -- drumroll please -- a woman deciding what skirt to wear to a job interview. Zzzz. Snore. (I'll be the first to admit it falls way short on The Excitement-ometer.) To avoid the trap of writing a scene, and not a story, I knew I had to be able to clearly state what she wanted at the beginning of the story, and if she got it at the end. But to do that --, and without a clear idea of who this character was -- I zeroed in on what led to her decision to wear that skirt for this interview. I focused on her emotions -- how wearing the skirt made her feel versus another wardrobe option -- and tapped into my inner Carrie Bradshaw describing the details of the clothing. I enjoyed writing it, and discovered that by taking such a tiny moment and magnifying it, I got to know a great deal about the character, Annabelle, and -- in the process -- located my story's beginning and end.

I finished the story (and after some editing, in under 1,000 words -- Snoopy Dance Time!). But after getting to know Annabelle, I felt inspired, and wanted to know more. Does she get the job? What happens with the boss? What happens with her family? And her kids? I can easily see way more (and more interesting) story beyond the skirt. This story could easily become a short scene in a larger, longer story -- a story that never would have been inspired if I had not written the flash.

I'll definitely be writing more flash in the future -- for fun, for the challenge, and for the inspiration that comes with it. Or to sum up in six words:

Write flash stories, then write more.