'Mad Men' Explains Punctuation: How Semicolons are Like Joan Holloway

;Semicolons
Semicolons are like Joan Holloway in Mad Men; a sexy wink and a smile, semicolons got it goin' on – with the curve down there, stacked with the dot up there. When you see a semicolon in a sentence, if used the right way, you know that it must have something smart to say. Semicolons make sense out of large, messy sentences, usually created by misguided, scatterbrained commas. They're also a smart way to link two independent clauses -- sentences that can stay separated, but are always so much better when they hook up. You don't notice semicolons because they are flashy and overused, like the exclamation point! (Exclamation points are the Snooki of punctuation.) They don't demand attention; they command it. Semicolons know what you want to say and, if used correctly, help you say it with style and class.

, Commas

If semicolons are the Joan Holloway, commas are the secretarial pool. They're everywhere and used frequently. When they're where they're expected to be in a sentence, no one really notices. But when they don't show up, or show up at the wrong time, it causes big problems. They're overworked and, for everything they do, they're underappreciated. They're expected to set off dependent clauses, clarify parentheticals, support conjunctions and quotations, separate adjectives... and that's only a small sample of the demands placed on them.  Like a drunk secretary steering a lawn mower through the office, they can cause real damage to your writing. And, if in the wrong place at the wrong time, they create the kind of chaos that breaks apart subject-verb relationships.

...Ellipses
Ellipses are those three periods in a row that trail off a sentence, or appear in the middle of quotes. Ellipses always leave you wondering, "What was left out? What aren't they saying?" Ellipses are the Don Draper: they only like the beginnings of things. Sometimes, the ellipses is there to indicate that something was purposely omitted. It can also be used to let the reader to draw their own conclusions. You're following along with the sentence's thought when... what? Whether out of necessity or choice, when you use an ellipses, its presence almost always has an air of mystery.

.Periods
 Periods are the Burt Cooper, the president and patriarch of punctuation. All other punctuation marks work in service of the period. In very long sentences, periods rely on the employ of the other marks to keep things running smoothly. If they do their jobs right, the sentence works and makes the period look good. If they don't, you can wind up with a confusing, run-on sentence that leaves you wondering why the period didn't show up sooner. When you see a period, no matter how odd or strange the sentence may be, the discussion has closed and the final word has been spoken.

Keep It Simple, Say It Plainly.

I was talking to a friend earlier this week about how you can tell when a writer is trying too hard. The signs are usually obvious, even to an untrained eye:

• Strained similes and metaphors are in every other sentence.
• Every adjective sounds like it was the 5th entry in a thesaurus search.
• Most words have a three-syllable minimum.
• Ideas and events are told, then shown, then explained again, but with different words. And then there's the summary...

Every writer does this. All of 'em, me included, though I've found it's most common with people who are either inexperienced or trying to impress people. Most of the time, this is done with good intentions. When you care about what you're writing -- whether it's a grant proposal, a college essay, a screenplay, a speech or a magazine article -- you want it to be good. Memorable. Perhaps even unforgettable. You want to make a good impression, or get your point across. So you go the extra mile to make every sentence great, because you care about your work -- it's all about the work, dammit!

If this sounds like you, stop. You're not doing yourself, your readers or (if you're writing for publication) your editors any favors.

It's very easy to get so caught up in The Writing that you forget about The Reader. Your sentence could use the most original words and imagery ever written, but if the reader has to slog through large, long blocks of text, unfamiliar words and confusing comparisons, it won't matter, because they will stop reading. This point does warrant a repeat, and extra formatting:

They will stop reading.


Whether you're writing The Great American Novel, or an email to colleagues, you don't have work sentences into flowery prose, explain every minute detail, or use words that you've only ever heard on the National Spelling Bee. A little bit of the fancy stuff here and there is great -- it makes the writing interesting, both for you and the reader. But when it's too much, your story gets confusing, your message gets lost, and no one has heard that thing you labored so hard and so long to say.

More often, it is the short, straightforward words that are the most powerful. That's what people remember and respond to most.

Keep it simple. Say it plainly.

Euphemisms Are So F*@#!ng Funny!

Last week, there was a lot of buzz about Cee-Lo Green replacing the lyrics to his song "F*ck You" with "Fox News" during the aired version of his performance on The Colbert Report. After seeing the bit, and subsequently seeing the unaired, uncensored version of the song, I got to thinking about why both versions are so damn funny.

As it is, the uncensored song is fantastic -- it's very catchy, upbeat, and I can honestly say I have never heard anyone say, or sing, "F*ck You" with so much enthusiasm and joy. Seriously... it's my new favorite song. If you haven't heard the uncensored, full-on "F*ck You" version, take 3:55 to watch and listen:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Cee Lo Green - F**k You
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

I know -- f*ckin' awesome, man! I think what makes it so brilliant -- and why it has become the unsung  anthem of 2010 (literally unsung -- it's the most popular song that nobody will air without heavy editing) is that it takes an inherently aggressive, nasty-sounding phrase and turns it into something silly and fun.

Like most basic cable, Comedy Central generally "bleeps" away the coarse language which, if it's done right, can actually add to the funny. But music is another matter entirely. Songs that are bleeped or "edited for radio" (which is a whole 'nuther topic I could go off on) are usually ruined in the process. But not "F*ck You." Because The Colbert Report had a brilliantly simple solution: the euphemism.

They could have used almost any phrase to replace the "f*ck you" and it still would have been funny. Go back and listen -- if the impossibly catchy hook isn't already earworming around your noggin -- but replace the "f*ck you" with almost any variation and you get some instant silliness:

I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love
And I'm like
Tofu.
I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough
I'm like
Suck moo.
And puck her too...


"Fox News" just happened to be the best choice for their show, and inserting the euphemism aired the song in a way that a)- didn't hack it to pieces with ridiculous bleeps or edits, b)- was true to the spirit of the song, and c)- also made a great bit of comedic political commentary.

Usually, I prefer it when people say what they mean to say. But when writing for the funny, I think the lesson here is that sometimes, it is better to go out of your way to avoid saying what's so f*cking obvious*...

*Because everybody knows what the stupid asterisk really means.

Referenced links: The Colbert Report, Entertainment Weekly

WordNerdGirl vs. The Lit Critic (in defense of NaNoWriMo)

I originally logged on to write a brief post about NaNoWriMo -- National Novel Writing Month, which kicked off November 1st. (Bang out 50,000 words for the first draft of a novel in a month, which is a little over 1,600 words/day. If you're not familiar with it, check out NaNoWriMo.org.) A friend had emailed over Halloween weekend to ask if I was doing it. I hadn't planned on it but, still bummed out about my graduate school plans falling through (for an MFA in creative writing) and determined to follow through on my newly-adopted, improv-inspired "Yes, And..." writing philosophy, I decided to cheer him on (go Dave!) and do my own, unofficial version of NaNoWriMo... a Nano-NaNoWriMo, if you will: if I manage at least 500 words a day, I'll be happy. After two days, I have over 2,000 words, so for myself, I'm ahead of the game.
 
But, like I said, I originally wanted just to share that little snib, but this morning, Laura Miller at Salon.com managed to annoy me again with this article (which means she's doing her job as a critic, I suppose). So, in true bloggy fashion, I'm going disagree. Or, if I want to increase readership of this blog, I guess I should be a little more extreme and flamey:

LAURA MILLER HATES WRITERS

Okay, scratch that. Honestly, that's too extreme for my taste. How about...

LAURA MILLER HATES WRITERS
Hey Lady, Chill out!

Nah... not enough 'zazz in that title. Oh wait, I know... we'll go with the superhero/comic book imagery:
LAURA MILLER HATES WRITERS
Hey Lady, Chill out!

WordNerdGirl vs. The Lit Critic


I  like it. It oversimplifies the argument a la The Huffington Post, but doesn't get too personal. And I get to picture myself in a super-hero costume, which is just silly, like a lot of flamey blog wars. But I'm getting off track here...

Ms. Miller is arguing that NaNoWriMo is "a waste of time" and that people shouldn't encourage writers to write their stories. Instead, she says we should be encouraging readers to read, because they will demand good stories from writers. That just plain old doesn't make any sense, and completely misses the point of NaNoWriMo. NaNoWriMo is about being creative, having fun and getting something you can work with down on the paper. How "good" it is doesn't matter when you're writing a first draft (and "good" is in the eye of the reader.) Sure, most of those writers may never get their story published, but so what, if they enjoy writing it?

Her main complaint seems to be that most NaNoWriMo participants don't go through the next (and necessary) step of editing and/or re-writing before sending in their submissions. Okay, fair enough. If you're serious about getting published, you have to do that work. Maybe NaNoWriMo should launch a rewriting initiative in February -- a ReWriNaNoWriMo, if you will, to encourage and guide writers who want to try to publish. But to complain because agents and publishers have to wade through a large slush pile of unsolicited, unedited manuscripts in the months after NaNoWriMo ends just sounds silly. If I'm not mistaken -- that's their job!


She also takes issue with the fact that NaNoWriMo encourages writers to seek encouragement. Again, that's just silly. Some of us need that encouragement, especially you're a writer (like me) who has the very bad habit of editing as we write, so much that we give up on our stories before they ever get past the first 30 pages; and especially if you're a writer (like me) who wanted to do something like an MFA in creative writing program, -- which would no doubt get the Literary Critic Seal of Approval -- but can't. If every writer approached writing the way she is suggesting, there would be very few stories for readers to read, because all the writers would be too busy second-guessing their stories, lest they be branded as "bad." And, as for all those readers who are being encouraged to read stories that those writers aren't writing, how is a reader supposed to know what stories are "good" or "bad" if they have nothing to compare?


So I am going to publish this post, eat my stuffed cabbage lunch, and get back to cranking out my unofficial nano-NaNoWriMo project of (at least) 500 words before the younger two kids wake up from their naps. My heroine needs to escape her kidnappers, which may sound like a bad story to some, but writing it is just fun for me.

*Referenced links: Better Yet, DON'T Write That Novel, NaNoWriMo.org, The Huffington Post, Salon


*In fairness, I adopted this format from for blog links after reading another column by Laura Miller, so she's not wrong all the time.

Yes, And...?

Disclaimer: This blog post will not be edited, reread or proofed in any way, shape or form (I'll explain why in a moment), and does not represent the usual high-quality standards of Your Friendly Neighborhood WordNerdGirl.

Whew, that was hard... I reread those sentences as I was writing them, at least six times before I moved onto this one. Okay, baby steps -- I'll go one paragraph at a time.

Anyway -- hey there and hi. I haven't been around much lately. Very, very busy, which is a good thing, mostly. I've been WordNerdGirling for SJ Magazine as their copyeditor, and was very excited to have the privilege of editing a book proposal, and I am wishing ZsaZsa Gapooch, Auntie Ness and Merka the best of luck now that their agent has the final document in hand. I also have my four kids, who are a fulltime job themselves. But since I've had to delay my grad school plans indefinitely, I've also been seeking out my Plan B, pursuing some other non-writing interests in hopes of kick-starting my very depleted creative juices: I'm planning some quilting projects -- but not the Amishy, grandma-quilting-bee kind. I'm talking about a bad-ass mixed media, kind of quilting. I am also in the midst of an improv comedy class, which is why I've decided to write this post without editing it (and torturing myself in the process -- I didn't realize how compulsively I reread and play with things I write until now. Agh - just caught myself rewriting that last sentence.)

 So, how does improv, which is all about making it up as you go (remember the TV show Whose Line Is It Anyway?) supposed to help with writing? Explaining needed...

In the first class, the instructor, who is (parent-alert) also the host of the Sprout channel's The Sunny Side Up Show, talked about the philosophy behind improv. (And I've learned something already: improv is a philosophy?) That philosophy is "Yes, And..." Basically, all that means is that you take whatever is thrown at you by your scene partners and build on it -- even if you have no clue what to do with it. If you screw it up, move on. If it doesn't come out quite the way you wanted, move on. But don't fight it, don't try to force it to be something it's not. Just add your own contribution and hope for the best and,  more often than not, you'll actually wind up getting the desired result -- in this case, a laugh.

One of my weaknesses as a writer (WordNerdGirl - you have a weakness? Say it ain't so!) is when I'm writing fiction, or poetry, or anything that requires imagination, I find it next-to-impossible to turn off my internal editor. The same thing that makes me a great, kick-ass editor (yeah, I said it -- great. And kick-ass.) makes it almost impossible for me to sit down and write all the stories I have rattling around up in my head. Because I know what result I want, I know exactly how it should work, but because it's creative, it is messy and -- especially in the first writing draft -- it is imperfect, much like this blog post is now, because these paragraphs are too long and I'm not explaining this as precisely as I want. It needs editing, and I all I can see are the flaws that need fixing. I get so caught up in fixing the flaws, the stories get lost.

I am finding that "Yes, And..." is a very useful way of looking at writing, as well as living. (Gee, I guess it really is a philosophy.) The last few months, I've been dealing with more plot twists than a daytime soap opera. It's been exhausting, trying to fix and repair everything. Part of the fallout has been delaying grad school, which I had hoped would put me in an environment where I could learn to turn off my editor and write more stories. That's not happening now, but maybe I can learn to write creatively just by saying, "Yes, And..." And maybe I can better deal with the unexpected, and get results that may not be the one I wanted, but is -- I hope -- better than I could have ever expected.

And this is usually the point where I go back and hammer at every word I've written and rearrange paragraphsandrereaditandbythatpointI'myellingatthekidsand -oh, wait! If I change the wording here it will shortentheparagraphandshortergraphsareeasiertoreadandI'mdoingitagain. Yes, I am. And?

Just click "Publish Post," please.

Referenced Links: ComedySportz Philadelphia, The Sunny Side Up Show, Quilting Arts Magazine, SJ Magazine

Why All the Emmy Love for Temple Grandin Was Awesome

I need to interrupt my four cranky kids (8 days until school starts - YES!), two deadline copyediting assignments and my general WordNerdGirl-ing to take a sec and talk about all the love shown to -- and by -- Temple Grandin at last night's Emmy's.

Temple Grandin has long been a rock star in the autism community, and last night, she proved why. She's been a symbol of hope for people with autism and their caregivers (in some ways, even more so for the latter.) So seeing all the recognition for the HBO biopic chronicling her life, and all the affection heaped on her by the award honorees, didn't just honor her and the movie, but also gave a nod to everyone who has been affected by this disorder. (My 8-year-old is PDD-NOS. As the film's director described Grandin last night, he used many of the same adjectives I use to describe my son.)

But even more importantly, last night, Grandin also managed to dispel for millions of TV viewers one of the most hurtful and longstanding myths about autism: People with autism can feel love. They can show affection. And they are not just "autistics." They're people -- full and complete. Decked out in her quirky, country-western regalia, she enthusiastically (and in a "socially inappropriate" manner) stood and waved from her seat in the audience, interrupted one of the honorees to give a shout-out to her mom and -- most movingly -- effusively hugged the film's executive producer. She not only dispelled the myth that autistic people are withdrawn, but -- even for the most severely-afflicted -- she also showed that it is possible for autistic people to engage and contribute to the world, in ways big and small. And she did all that just by being herself.

Referenced links: Temple Grandin Wins Big at Emmy, but Who Is She?; Temple Grandin's Official Autism Website

My next house will be...

This House Made of Books on BoingBoing. I really have no other commentary other than AWE-SOME!

George Carlin: Rethinking a free speech icon

While catching up on everything I've missed over the last month, I found this tribute to one of my all-time favorite comics, writers, and truth-tellers, George Carlin. More than a recap of his career, the article focuses on Carlin's evolution as a comedian and his influence on free-speech in America.
Referenced link: George Carlin: Rethinking a free speech icon

Attack of 'The Thing'

Good-bye July 2010. May you never pass my way again.

I rebooted my blog a few weeks ago, only to have it derailed once again by a Thing. I cannot get into details about the Thing right now because it involves other people. But it is a big Thing. It has been -- especially the last three weeks -- an all-consuming, life-altering, soul-crushing (non-health-related) Thing, and it is going to take a long time to get through it, recover and move along. As time goes on, I will likely get into details about the Thing, but for now, let's just call it a Thing.

Since I've been faced with this Thing, I've been looking for ways to cope that don't involve hard liquor, binge-eating, the Dark Arts, major property damage, randomly screaming at unsuspecting strangers or calling a distant cousin to find out if he can help me hire someone "to take care of it" for me.

I don't know if it is because I am a writer or because I'm weird (and really, is there much of a difference?) but  so far, the best therapy has been over-sharing my drama in long, detailed emails to my closest friends and family. I started out writing to explain what happened, just looking to vent and for a shoulder to cry on via email. But without consciously realizing it, I was also writing my story, from my point of view and shaping the narrative so that it makes sense, both to me and my friends (who, at this point, are probably cringing every time they see another message from me in their inboxes.)

I've also, in a way, become a character in my story. (Hopefully, by the time story is over, I'll be "the hero," but that remains to be seen. I certainly don't feel like one right now.) I've been thinking a lot about some of my favorite fictional characters and, when depressed, overwhelmed or if I suddenly find tears welling up at inappropriate moments, I try to get through it by channeling the sexy confidence of Joan Holloway, the free spirit of Mona Ramsey, the hilarious spunk of Mary Richards, the kick-ass sense of duty of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the fuck-it-all-I'll-do-it-myself action hero attitude of Lt. Ripley in "Aliens."

By doing something I love to do anyway, I'm coming up with ways of finding my long-lost mojo. If nothing else -- as I've already said to my friends -- this situation has been a goldmine of comedy. I've lost 10 lbs. in three weeks on the High Anxiety Diet. If Richard Pryor can set his head on fire and turn it into one of stand-up comedy's greatest performances, I should be able to -- at the very least -- get a book deal out of this.

I came across a quote a couple of weeks ago (that I have since been unable to find). The gist of it was: people read and tell stories because it helps them practice how to live their lives. Not to get all self-help-gooey and group-huggy, but it is my favorite stories that have helped me through so far, and retelling my own in a way that is helping me see all the possible endings. So I will write, and read, and watch, and deal. And the Thing is not going to stop me.

"Bad" Words or, How to Curse Like My 4-Year-Old

I try very hard to be a good parent. I spend one-on-one time with each kid every day. I set firm limits and I'm not afraid to enforce the rules. I don't serve them liver and brussel sprouts. Blah blah blah. But like most moms, I also have faults. My biggest is my filthy, filthy mouth. Despite my ongoing, well-intentioned attempts to police my own language, if I'm frustrated, annoyed, angry, or breathing oxygen, in a moment of weakness or forgetfulness, I'll let loose with the Seven Words You Can't Say on TV, followed by 15 more that further clarify my opinion. And most of the time, my kids are within earshot. So there, I've said it, when it comes to cursing, I'm a Bad Mom.

And worse, when it comes to this subject, I'm a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do mom. My older two kids know that they are not allowed to say "bad" words, and 99.9% of the time, they don't. At least, not while I'm around. And my four-year-old son knows it too. But unlike his older brother and sister, who usually just stomp off and sulk -- no doubt thinking plenty of bad words to themselves -- he has come up with a very creative solution:

"Mannit!" "Damage!" "SoMany Itch!" "Sit!" and, my new personal favorite, "Fox!"

 It makes a mother so very proud.

Now, I know that with very young children, you need to keep the rules simple and absolute. The shades-of-gray in life can be taught as kids get old enough to understand. So when he does this, we enforce the rules, and remind him that they are also "bad" words ("Little boys shouldn't say those words, and Mommy shouldn't say them either.") even though, technically, they're not.

But it got me to thinking about other "bad" words. Most kids --  mine included -- consider stupid to be a "bad" word. A couple months ago, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, was widely criticized for referring to liberal activists as "f***ing retarded." And the criticism had nothing to do with the "f***ing" part of the quote. The Special Olympics is even waging a public awareness campaign to end the use of the "r-word." This doesn't even begin to touch on the stigma of uttering or writing the "c-word" or the "n-word."

Really, when you are a grown, thinking adult, are any of the many vulgar words in the English language really "bad?" My son saying mannit! or damage! instead of dammit! doesn't change the thoughts or emotions behind the outburst. He's pissed, and he's letting the world know it. The words people use, and the way they choose to use those words, communicates volumes, both about the subject being discussed, and the people involved in the discussion. I don't think I have ever uttered the "c-word" or the "n-word" and, as the mother of a child on the autism spectrum, I'm more sensitive to the derogatory use of retard. But, in writing a fictional character, I would use those words if I thought they would best convey to the reader what I want them to know -- and feel -- about the character.

We can conduct our public awareness campaigns and attach a stigma to certain words, or even go the Orwellian route of changing definitions to suit our agendas, or banning dictionaries from our schools, but the thoughts, meanings and emotions we have will always find an outlet. You can call a word "bad," but Mannit! there will always be another to take its place.

Referenced links: The 7 Words You Can't Say on TV, Rahm Emanuel comments and fallout, the Campaign to End the 'R-Word', Dictionary banned from California School District

Write Like a Rolling Stone (and Don't Get Scooped Again)

Over the weekend I picked up a copy of Rolling Stone’s ‘500 Greatest Songs of All Time.’ I’d include a link to it, but for some inexplicable reason, Rolling Stone’s website doesn’t have anything on its site to promote the issue or the list in any way. They’ve learned nothing from last week’s ‘Runaway General’ fiasco, when Rolling Stone managed to get scooped over the Gen. McChrystal story that THEY broke, Memo to print media: The internet is your friend. Use it.

Okay, with that bit of media criticism out of the way, after reading through the printed issue (and if you love music, I think it is worth buying the printed issue) I was most fascinated by the stories of how many of the songs were written. Some of them have become rock-and-roll legends I’d heard before: Mick Jagger wrote the lyrics for The Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” (#2) in 10 minutes, the morning after Keith Richards dreamed the guitar riff and title line. John Lennon wrote most of “Imagine” (#3) in just one morning. Pete Townsend wrote The Who’s “My Generation” (#11) on his 20th birthday. The lyrics for “Purple Haze” (#17) came to Jimi Hendrix in a dream.

Then there were the stories I’d never heard before. Prince wrote “Little Red Corvette” (#109) in the backset of a bright-pink Ford Edsel. Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters wrote “Comfortably Numb” (#321) after “a sleazy Philadelphia doctor injected him with tranquilizers before a gig when he was suffering from hepatitis.” I laughed when I read this blurb quoting John Fogerty about writing “Proud Mary” for Credence Clearwater Revival (#156): “I was fooling with the chord changes and started singing about a river. I realized, ‘Well, maybe if I make it about a boat.’” And Neil Young’s only number one hit, the acoustic “Heart of Gold” (#303) came about only because he couldn’t play electric guitar for two years after a back injury.

I’m not a songwriter, and a lousy poet, but the stories of how these songs were written – in bursts of inspiration, after messing around with lyrics or a guitar , or as a result of pure chance – are universal to anyone sitting down in front of a blank screen or paper. And while a lot of the stories make it sound easy to crank out a hit, consider the work that went into Bob Dylan’s “Like A Rolling Stone” (#1)which started as a long written verse, between 6 and 20 pages. The article quotes Dylan as he goes on to describe the process like this:

“’[It was] just a rhythm thing on paper all about my steady hatred, directed at some point that was honest.’ Back home in Woodstock, New York, over three days in early June, Dylan sharpened the sprawl down to that confrontational chorus and four taut verses bursting with piercing metaphor and concise truth. ‘The first two lines, which rhymed ‘kiddin’ you’ and ‘didn’t you,’ just about knocked me out,’ he confessed to Rolling Stone in 1988, ‘and when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.’”

I love that he sounds so surprised about what he had written. And it's reassuring to know that someone like Bob Dylan can sweat over and feel overwhelmed by what it is he's creating.

My take on "When anyone can be a published author"

I think this article, When anyone can be a published author, fromSalon is interesting, but focuses too much on hand-wringing about the poor, lost readers who will have to wade through the slush-pile of "bad writing" without the gatekeepers (editors, book agents) to guide their way. But there's one thing the  writer does not take into account: Not all readers care about "good writing." And speaking personally, I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.


In fairness, the article does touch on the fact that new gatekeepers -- bloggers, aggregator sites and social networks -- will take the place of traditional editors and agents (something that is already happening). Regardless, many readers -- I'd say the majority -- are only looking for something they think is entertaining, or interesting. If a reader thinks they can get something of value from a piece of writing -- regardless of how well-written it is -- that reader will plunk down the money to download the piece to their laptop or e-reader.

For example, I've plodded through dozens of poorly-written e-books and articles, as well as printed books and articles -- misused punctuation, no spell-checking, low production values -- to find information I can use to help my older son with autism. The "bad writing" drove me nuts, but the information was coming from the most credible sources I could find: other parents who had tried some of the therapies I needed to learn about. (In the world of autism, with so little known about the causes and treatments, other parents/caregivers usually offer more useful information than doctors and scientists.) These were books and articles that would have never made it past the slush pile of a traditional publisher, but I was so grateful to find what I needed, and was glad the writer's information was available to me -- even if they did forget to spell-check.

It is the same with fiction. Most readers care more about story, and less about the prose. Writers who care about their craft might be put off by that statement, but it is a plain and simple fact. Stephen King is not a bestselling author because he is renowned for his sentence structure and original phrasing (although I think he is underrated as a writer.). He is a bestselling author because his stories are consistently entertaining.

The challenge for all writers -- the good and the bad -- will be finding their niche and learning to how to market themselves to showcase their strengths. Readers who care about good writing will seek out those writers. Readers who care about story will seek out storytellers. Readers who care about getting credible, useful information will seek out experts. And writers who care about both -- writing and readers -- will do their very best to create entertaining, credible stories and articles that stand out from the slush pile as "good writing."

Punk Writing

Maybe it's because I'm in writer-mode today, but I just finished reading What is Punk? on Flavorwire, and couldn't help mentally replacing "punk" with "writing" or "creative writing" for many of the quotes. Since I've been writing more fiction, and spurred on by friends who've reminded me that writing should -- first and foremost -- be fun, I've been less concerned with writing for an audience (at least in the first draft) and writing 'punk,' The creativity flows, and the rules don't apply:

•  “I think writing especially for me, was a big middle finger to this whole talent thing.”
• “Creative writing was defined by an attitude rather than a writing style.”
  “A guy walks up to me and asks ‘What’s creative writing?’ So I kick over a garbage can and say ‘That’s creative writing!’ So he kicks over a garbage can and says ‘That’s creative writing?’ and I say ‘No, that’s trendy!’"
• "Creative writing is writing freedom. It’s saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster’s terms, ‘nirvana’ means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that’s pretty close to my definition of creative writing."
• “The popularity of creative writing was, in effect, due to the fact that it made ugliness beautiful.”
• “At its best creative writing represents a fundamental and age-old Utopian dream: that if you give people the license to be as outrageous as they want in absolutely any fashion they can dream up, they’ll be creative about it, and do something good besides.”
• “The whole creative writing ethic was do-it-yourself, and I’ve always been very literal, especially as a kid. When they said that anybody can do this, I was like, ‘OK, that’s me.’”
• “Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you alive.”
• “Creative writing is just another word for freedom.”

Take 2: Blogging Reboot.

John Lennon was writing about his son in the song, 'Beautiful Boy,' which includes the lyric "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Kids have a way of upending the best-laid plans, which is why this is the first time I've blogged in two months.

Shortly after launching this blog and its companion website site, (wordnerdgirl.com, for all your writing and editing needs), I got hit with a series of family-related dramas and traumas, including -- but not limited to -- my 8-year-old's broken toe and my 4-year-old's week-long hospital stay for asthma-triggered pneumonia. Between all the minor domestic catastrophes and major craziness, I have been writing, but it has taken me a while to fully reboot the business and the blog. Which is a shame, because I had so, so many things to say about the Lost finale. Heck, I still might. I've had a number of blog-worthy writing ideas I wanted to share,so I am recasting my last business-and-blogging attempt as a dress rehearsal. The real show's opening starts now.

Robert McKee talks about storytelling

This is an interesting interview with screenwriting guru Robert McKee. I read his "Story" year's ago and it changed my focus from focusing on how well something is written to how well the story is told. I especially like what he says about stories today evolving so that they are better executed, but content-wise, more shallow. Read it here ...

Screenwriting guru tells all - Charlie Kaufman - Salon.com

The 'Flash' of Inspiration

I had a difficult time getting much work done last week after my 8-year-old broke his big toe. By Friday, I was fried and practically jumped for joy when I scored a rare tandem nap for my baby and 4-year-old. I had two precious, completely quiet hours to use any way I wanted. I had a list of potential clients to contact, 8 loads of clean laundry to fold, and an empty bed that begged to be napped in, but I decided instead to take a shot at writing a "flash fiction" story.

If you're unfamiliar with flash fiction, it is basically a very short story -- usually around 1,000 words or less. The idea is to write a complete story with a beginning, middle and end. A very famous example would be this six-word work by Ernest Hemingway:

"For sale: baby shoes. Never worn."

Not to knock Hemingway, but most of the flash stories I've read seemed more like they should be scenes from a larger work. The few I've seen that read like "complete" stories varied wildly as far as how satisfying I found them to be. But as a writer, with so much competing for my time, the idea of a small project that maybemightpossibly be finished quickly was appealing. And, weirdo that I am, the challenge of writing in so few words sounded like fun.

I decided my story would be about -- drumroll please -- a woman deciding what skirt to wear to a job interview. Zzzz. Snore. (I'll be the first to admit it falls way short on The Excitement-ometer.) To avoid the trap of writing a scene, and not a story, I knew I had to be able to clearly state what she wanted at the beginning of the story, and if she got it at the end. But to do that --, and without a clear idea of who this character was -- I zeroed in on what led to her decision to wear that skirt for this interview. I focused on her emotions -- how wearing the skirt made her feel versus another wardrobe option -- and tapped into my inner Carrie Bradshaw describing the details of the clothing. I enjoyed writing it, and discovered that by taking such a tiny moment and magnifying it, I got to know a great deal about the character, Annabelle, and -- in the process -- located my story's beginning and end.

I finished the story (and after some editing, in under 1,000 words -- Snoopy Dance Time!). But after getting to know Annabelle, I felt inspired, and wanted to know more. Does she get the job? What happens with the boss? What happens with her family? And her kids? I can easily see way more (and more interesting) story beyond the skirt. This story could easily become a short scene in a larger, longer story -- a story that never would have been inspired if I had not written the flash.

I'll definitely be writing more flash in the future -- for fun, for the challenge, and for the inspiration that comes with it. Or to sum up in six words:

Write flash stories, then write more.

... Of the Day, April 15, 2010

Quote of the Day

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000), Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"

Word of the Day

bloviate \BLOH-vee-ayt\, intransitive verb: To speak or write at length in a pompous or boastful manner

'Urban' Word of the Day

"It pays the taxes." The replacement saying for "It pays the bills" in reference to writing off a job as merely a means of income, and in no way an enjoyable or lucrative way of making a living

Scrabble Word of the Day

Alvine (9 points): pertaining to the abdomen and lower intestines

"That" Drives Me Crazy

I'm sure this has happened to everyone. I often get songs stuck in my head. It's great when it's a song I love. Today, it's the hook from Don Henley's "The Heart of the Matter." But then there are those earworms that make you want to perform a do-it-yourself lobotomy so that you can pleaseGodmakeitstop. This usually happens when one of my kids is OD-ing on The Wiggles. But last week, it was a song that I otherwise enjoy -- John Mellencamp's "I Need A Lover." Here's the hook:

"I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Some girl to thrill me and then go away
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Some girl that knows the meaning of
Hey hit the highway."


I love John Mellencamp. Somewhere in this house I have a picture from waybackwhen of me getting his autograph. And it's a fun song. Hey, who among us has not wished we could do the deed then be left the hell alone? The content is not my issue. My issue is that ... I mean, "That." It should be "I need a lover who won't drive me crazy." The "that" is what drives me crazy. Lovers are a 'who.' If the lover is a 'that,' then the song takes on whole different (somewhat disturbing) dimension.

I'm not a tight-ass buzzkill. Or a 'fun vampire.' Depending on what I'm trying to accomplish, I play fast and loose with words, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure -- All. The. Time. Some of the greatest, most-quoted song lyrics ever written are anything but grammatically correct. The Rolling Stones' "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" would be ruined if the grammar police came along to change "no" to "any." Pink Floyd's "We Don't Need No Education" is a lyric that plays right into the whole theme of The Wall. When proper grammar is bent and broken to conform to the needs of the music, it usually leads to great, new and original expressions.

But "I Need a Lover?" That drives me crazy.

Shameless Plug Time

I just want to take a brief moment to shamelessly plug my business, WordNerdGirl Writing and Editorial Services. If you need content for your website, feature stories for your publication, or copy editing services of any kind, please contact me or visit www.wordnerdgirl.com.

...of the Day, April 12, 2010

Quote of the Day:

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. -- Abraham Lincoln

 Word of the Day

eologism \nee-OLL-uh-jiz-um\, noun: 1. A new word or expression. 2. A new use of a word or expression. 3. The use or creation of new words or expressions.4. (Psychiatry) An invented, meaningless word used by a person with a psychiatric disorder. 5. (Theology) A new view or interpretation of a scripture.

'Urban' Word of the Day

Drum Driving: While you are driving and listening to music, you bang on the steering wheel as if it were a drum set.

Scrabble Word of the Day

Schmaltz (24 points): Excessive sentimentality

...Of the Day, April 9, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?" -- Mitch Hedberg

Word of the Day

indefatigable: \in-dih-FAT-ih-guh-bul\, adjective: Incapable of being fatigued; not readily exhausted; untiring; unwearying; not yielding to fatigue.

'Urban' Word of the Day

bootyism: sexy religion often confused with Budhism

 Scrabble Word of the Day

sleight: deftness (11 points)

Too Cool: Mixtape for Word Nerds

Courtesy of Roderama's Noreen, check out this very cool collection of songs about grammar and vocabulary at flavorwire.com. All inspired by a Weird Al Yankovic video, also included.

...Of the Day, On This Day, April 8, 2010

Word of the Day
interlard \in-tuhr-LARD\, transitive verb:
To insert between; to mix or mingle; especially, to introduce something foreign or irrelevant into; as, "to interlard a conversation with oaths or allusions."

'Urban' Word of the Day
Bitchen: The term for the room in an urban apartment in which the bathroom is located in the kitchen.

Scrabble Word of the Day
SLEDGE (8 pts)


On This Day in History
1979 - The last episode of "All In The Family" aired.
1994 - Nirvana's Kurt Cobain's was found dead, a shotgun next to his body along with a suicide note. A high concentration of heroin and traces of Valium were also found in Cobain’s body.

'Lost' in Sideways World

I am a huge fan of 'Lost' and I've been having an ongoing discussion with a friend of mine about the merits/drawbacks of the controversial 'sideways' stories that have been featured in the final season's episodes. (For the uninitiated, Lost has used flashbacks and flashforwards to tell the stories of the show's characters off-island. This year, they are showing what the producers have called "sideways" stories, which are stories in which the characters are living in what seems to be an alternate universe, one in which they never crashed on the island.)

All season, the sideways stories have seemed to have little-to-no bearing on the main story of 'Lost.' While I have enjoyed seeing the character's "If-Only" lives, I've also been hoping that the writers would somehow tie the two universes together. As the season has worn on, we have been growing more impatient with each episode, because the writers were choosing to make almost no connection between the two. But last night's episode, which featured my boyfriend Desmond (Henry Ian Cusick), finally tied the two together. While it was great to learn that the sideways stories do have relevance to the main plot, I did think it was jarring the way it was revealed. (I'm trying to talk about this without giving out spoilers.) My feeling is that the writers could have more clearly foreshadowed how the sideways stories fit.

So if you're a 'Lost' fan, what do you think about the sideways stories? Have you been as impatient as us? If you were writing the show, how would you have handled it?

Work in Progress

I sometimes feel like my entire life is one big forever incomplete work-in-progress. One thing you should know about me -- if you don't already -- is that I have four children, ages 10, 8, 4 and 8 months. This being spring break week, I've been hampered in getting my business website, wordnerdgirl.com, up and running because I spend all my time breaking up fights and tripping over toys. The oldest kid has a movie outing planned with her best friend, so today's goal is to get the site published, and possibly write a little, during what I hope is a well-coordinated naptime.

Hello & Howdoyoudo

So the idea here is to have some fun. I love writing, playing around with words and storytelling. "Snog" is currently my favorite word. I've known I would be a writer since I was 8 years old, and have spent most of my professional career working as a writer in some capacity as a news journalist, writer, editor and media professional. Beginning in January 2011, I'll be entering Rosemont College's MFA in creative writing program.

In the meantime, when I'm not writing, or avoiding laundry, or yelling at my kids to stop making so much noise so I can write or edit -- I spend a lot of time online reading and discussing issues related to writing and storytelling. Whether it's a serialized TV drama, a great novel, a favorite author, stand-up comedy, a well-written essay, a funny joke or a short piece of flash fiction, I want to talk about writing, and what makes a story work.